speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
3pm strippers are depressing
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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