were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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