yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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