I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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