I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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