OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
