Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
