Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
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I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize