DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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