we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
