it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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