1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
