i need an iv and a liver transplant
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
