I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
