Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
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I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
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I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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