Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
