It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
