I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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