so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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