Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
