apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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