We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
