Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
