can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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