that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Let's get the cat blown out
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
