Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I want to make a zoo with you.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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