He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
