I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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