We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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