i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
