hotel room ftw
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
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I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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