a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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