bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
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Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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