My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
