My Higher Power is John Stamos
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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