Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
