I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
