You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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