I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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