Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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