My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
