im drinking this country out of the recession.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
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I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
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My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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