I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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