MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize