my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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