Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
