I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
