You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
