I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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