He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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