And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize