Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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