am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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