you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
