I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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