Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
