Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
