I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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