There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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