i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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