and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
