well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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