Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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