I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
