the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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