I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
