just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize