we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
