dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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