youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
